When life throws something unexpected in a mother’s path, it’s amazing how they react.

I was really thrown for a loop this week when an unexpected crisis hit home.

1. At first, I was so stunned I didn’t even know how I would get through it… I felt it was my burden to bear and it seemed waaaaay too heavy for me to handle.
2. Then I was sad. I cried. I was mourning for the dream I had for my children that would not come true. I worried about the future.
3. I called my husband (who was away on business) and was thankful that I was not alone.
4. Then, I got angry. Why was this happening to her? To us? To me?
5. The truth is, I also felt guilty. Why? Because I was mad about how much time this would take away from my life– time when I could be doing something I liked instead of putting out fires.
6. Soon I got into pitbull mode: I started gathering information. I fired off letters. I went online. I called my friends.
7. Hmmm … I started to feel better. There were options. They weren’t all bad.
8. I talked to friends some more.
9. Finally, just a few days after feeling devastated, I started to actually feel hopeful. I realized, once again, that life as a mother is unpredictable and that we are much, much stronger than we think.

So my point is really that mothers deal with difficulties and disappointments all the time. They want what’s best for their kids. It’s normal for us to feel confused, overwhelmed, even a bit angry about how much life saps our energy.

And then, we get it together–we rally! We work toward finding solutions and we take a step forward.

Little by little, we try to fix what is broken. And if we can’t fix it, we learn to live with it the best we can.

No mom wants to whine. No mom wants to be selfish. Every mom wants to do a good job.

Sometimes skeptics think mothers who worry about their own needs are selfish, or just plain lazy. Why have kids in the first place if you can’t take care of them with good cheer and tons of positive energy?

Well, we agree!  We don’t like whining, and neither do any of the hundreds of women we talked too. But is there a difference between being whiny and asking yourself healthy and necessary questions?

Questions like:

• is there something in my life about which I feel really passionate?
• have I laughed recently?
• do I feel connected to the world around me–events and people?
• am I often anxious and stressed out?
• can I enjoy quiet time or do I always need to be busy?
• do I feel fulfilled?
• am I too impatient with my loved ones?
• is there a way I can reconnect with who I was before I started my family?