What do you do when you have a kid who doesn’t talk to you? You get nasty surprises.

I just discovered by total accident that my 14-year old son isn’t going on the “fun” white water rafting and  amusement park trip with his graduating class because, “I didn’t get my permission slip in on time.”

Okay. Number one: I immediately feel bad. I am supposed to sign that slip. How come I never saw it? How come I didn’t ask him where the slip was, given the trip starts on Sunday? First instinct: blame self.

Number two: Why is he making this lame excuse? Does he not want to go on the trip because he doesn’t feel comfortable with his “friends?” (He’s only been at the school a year and it’s been a rough ride.)

Number three: Does that mean he’s been lying all year claiming that he does have friends, even if he never sees anyone from his new school or calls them or even talks about them….?

It is my responsibility to get to the bottom of this, because otherwise no one else will. I want him to bond and have fun, just like all the other kids. I don’t want him to become  some sad, pale-faced, basement-dwelling loner! I know I can’t control or dictate all aspects of his life (and believe me, I don’t want to), but I also know I can and want to help him navigate these tricky waters.

Blaming or second-guessing myself doesn’t help anyone and frankly just ruins my day. So, enough of the self torture. To work:

Instead of an angry call to the school (WHY DIDN’T YOU CHECK WITH ME ABOUT THE DARN SLIP?), I will ask, politely, if they can shed any light on this situation.

Then, I will take a time-out with Peter. We will leave the girls here, and I will go somewhere neutral with him — maybe the ice cream store or CVS, his favorite places in the universe — and see if I can get him to talk.

Talk talk talk. I’m also going to dig up that indispensable book, How to Talk so Kids Will Listen. Although what I really want to know, is how to get my kid to talk. Ideas, anyone?