Falling Off the Wagon
Oprah fell off the wagon.
Did she hurt herself? Na–she has 40lbs of extra cushioning to soften the blow.
I think Oprah’s cool. She’s a successful, intelligent, thoughtful woman and whenever I watch her show, I’m almost always moved in some way. Moved to improve myself, to think about something differently, to feel grateful instead of whining, or to pat myself on the back for already doing what she’s suggesting.
Back to the wagon and the weight, though. I really wish Oprah could be happy with her weight. Why? Because her constant weight struggle in spite of ALL her other successes in life makes me feel like a loser. If she was OK with being a little chubby, I could be OK with my extra pounds.
So she’s really just reminding me of something I already know but don’t want to face: this battle to find a comfortable weight can be a real drag for many of us. A drag that doesn’t go away. A drag that actually just gets worse. A drag that we have to face day in day out, triumph over, and then fail at, only to start all over again.
Why are women so very obsessed with the scale? Aren’t we all emancipated enough to not give a shit? Or does giving a shit just mean we have self respect? Isn’t it a waste of time and energy to worry over 5 or 10 lbs? But if we let those pounds mount up, don’t we dig ourselves into a deeper and deeper hole?
I don’t weigh myself anymore. I can tell by my pants that I gained weight over Christmas. I don’t even want to SEE the numbers on the scale. So instead, I’m focusing on being healthy. Yes, the old New Year’s resolutions are back. Sadly, these resolutions are pretty challenging for me…
- Up the ante at the gym: I took my first spin class this morning. Wow. I was sweating like a… well, like a pig in lycra.
- No more booze during the week. I want to wake up every morning with a clear head.
- Go to all my doctor’s appointments, even the dentist.
- Watch those old yoga DVD’s again and give my brain some rest.
That’s it. Notice I haven’t said anything about losing weight. I’m going to focus on those four simple gifts to myself and my health, and see where it takes me.
January 7th, 2009 at 5:19 pm
I hear you. I torture myself over just 5 extra pounds. I think about it everyday non stop, but I can’t seem to do anything about it. Why do I care so much? I think its because being a mommy is such hard work and I use food to give myself a break.