For me, here’s the million dollar question: Can we expect our husbands/ partners to understand where we’re coming from–as mothers who want to be everything to everyone–when their own issues are so deep and legitimate?

There’s this divide because the discussion is always framed in the essential question, WHO IS HARDER OFF? Do I have a harder job or do you?

We heard a lot about this in our focus groups! And my husband and I are experts on this very conversation: we’ve had it about four million times in the 18 years we’ve been married.

What skeptical men don’t realize is that, most of the time, mothers aren’t actually saying that we have it hard and fathers have it easy. Most of the 500+ mothers we talked to were amazingly grateful to their husbands for all the work they do in the house and out.

BUT

What do we do to make others understand how we’re feeling? We talk in extremes. At home, we’re desperate to be heard and understood! And when we feel ignored or under-appreciated, resentment builds.

That’s when we stop being real partners with our mates, and start being adversaries.

Our book takes a different tack. We say, okay, here’s a problem modern mothers struggle with… now WHAT’S THE SOLUTION?

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