Have you heard about the war between Slacker Moms and Alpha moms? What about the battle between working moms and SAHMs? Moms who allow hours of nintendo and those who banish media? Ones who feed their kids only organic food and others who serve nuggets and fries?

There are plenty of moms who feel very strongly–and very differently–about how to raise their kids. We have enough to worry about without pitting ourselves against each other, don’t we?

Every woman has to check in with her own instincts, desires, aspirations and pet peeves. Confidence and genuine happiness is a real gift in mothering, because our kids can sense it. That’s why we wanted to write this book and give voice to modern mothers–so that women can trust their judgments again.

After hearing from all these different women over the years doing our research, it was clear to us that the moms who are best off (ie. most relaxed and confident) are the ones who are in touch with their instincts. They’re doing things their way, and don’t look to others for answers.

No mom wants to whine. No mom wants to be selfish. Every mom wants to do a good job.

Sometimes skeptics think mothers who worry about their own needs are selfish, or just plain lazy. Why have kids in the first place if you can’t take care of them with good cheer and tons of positive energy?

Well, we agree!  We don’t like whining, and neither do any of the hundreds of women we talked too. But is there a difference between being whiny and asking yourself healthy and necessary questions?

Questions like:

• is there something in my life about which I feel really passionate?
• have I laughed recently?
• do I feel connected to the world around me–events and people?
• am I often anxious and stressed out?
• can I enjoy quiet time or do I always need to be busy?
• do I feel fulfilled?
• am I too impatient with my loved ones?
• is there a way I can reconnect with who I was before I started my family?

Our book has printed–it was a very long but easy labor, and we now have a gorgeous baby book in our hands (actually, thousands and thousands of them… talk about multiple births!). No learning to walk for this little beast, though, she’s off to a running start.

Now that we have a beautiful new website (thanks Jen, Cruz and Jim, geniuses, all) we’ll be pounding the proverbial pavement again. Or, in plain English, the internet. So, stay tuned.

We couldn’t believe our ears and eyes when we saw Elizabeth Gilbert on Oprah recently.  She was talking about her mega-bestseller, Eat Pray Love. It’s about a year she spent trying to find herself. It takes the readers on her terrifying (and at times funny) journey from devastating depression and self doubt, to serenity and love.

Lots of people loved the book, but many find her selfish. Who wouldn’t want to take a whole year traveling the world so they can get back on track? Busy moms certainly don’t have a year. They barely have five minutes.

What we found so thrilling, though, was that ultimately she was exploring the same ideas we explore in Mothers Need Time-Outs, Too: how we can live full and complex lives that also feel authentic and balanced. Sure, her particular situation was different than that of most moms we talked to when doing our research, but the core of her findings was the same: not taking our needs seriously can be destructive.

First, busy moms like us need to give up on being perfectionists, and second, we need to take the time to do the hard work and find out what makes us tick.

We argue that the best way to find real happiness for you and your family is by first focusing on your own needs. Take time-outs for yourself, you’re worth it!