Let’s Talk About Sex
OK, it’s something we all deal with when we get married and have kids: our sex drive changes but our husband’s doesn’t. Is sex really so important to a marriage? Aren’t there other ways to stay connected?
What do we do about making sure we’re not just bringing up our kids side by side, sharing the same house, bed, food, but not really sharing our lives. Our inner lives. Does it matter?
As a teenager, I remember the parents of my friends started getting divorced. I wondered how it was possible for a man and a woman to stay together for such a long time — decades — and THEN decide they’d had it with each other. Now as I approach my 18th wedding anniversary, I understand much better. At this point in a marriage, a lot of people have given up trying to understand and connect with each other. They’re too tired.
So what do we need to do to make sure this doesn’t happen to us? One solution: massage oil.
Don’t laugh, I’m being serious…!
Tags: BUddha
May 2nd, 2007 at 8:03 am
I for one need a mental and emotional connection before the sex flows and I don’t think the man in my life needs the same. It sounds crazy but we get back on the same page by working out together - going for a run, skiing together - all of which helps to feel connected again. That’s the first step in becoming intimate. The exercise also makes you feel good about yourself!
May 2nd, 2007 at 9:26 am
I could go weeks without having sex. I convince myself that I love my husband and that we find other ways to be connected. But reality is, I never feel as close to him as I do after we’ve been intimate. There’s something about sharing that intensity that really brings us together. Still, I rarely — if ever — get into bed thinking, let’s get to it! I really have to force myself to start and the desire only comes belatedly. If I waited for the desire to be there first, we’d be on the verge of divorce by now!
May 2nd, 2007 at 2:38 pm
Sometimes the more you partake the easier it is to “get in the mood” because it’s fresh in your mind how great it feels and how much it helps bring you together with your spouse on a sub conscious level.
May 2nd, 2007 at 3:14 pm
They say women need to feel connected to want to have sex and men feel the connection from having sex. That is definitely the case for us…and hence that can lead to frustration on both sides. One of the many gender differences that cause marital “unrest” for us…and I’m sure many others!
May 2nd, 2007 at 8:51 pm
when i get pressure from my husband about sex it really turns me off. when he leaves me alone, and i feel like it’s more my choice, then i am more interested. i don’t like the feeling that he doesn’t really care about whether i really want it or not, it just seems sort of demeaning to me. i think men need to work more on being sensitive to what we need