Comments on: To be perfect or quirky, that is the question… http://www.momstimeouts.com/2007/02/13/to-be-perfect-or-quirky-that-is-the-question It's Good to Be a Little Selfish—It Actually Makes You a Better Mother Sat, 22 Nov 2008 06:35:12 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.3.3 By: Mary Kaye http://www.momstimeouts.com/2007/02/13/to-be-perfect-or-quirky-that-is-the-question#comment-121 Mary Kaye Sat, 31 Mar 2007 01:07:47 +0000 http://www.momstimeouts.com/2007/02/13/to-be-perfect-or-quirky-that-is-the-question#comment-121 Imperfection does begin with letting your kids dress themselves. My daughter Ashton use to pick out the fluffiest dress then completely overaccessorize with sunglasses (in January), gobs of necklaces, headband and bow and sparkly shoes. This was all complete with a purse which housed her sacred polka dot bikini just in case (again, still in January). Now she's a tomboy. I LOVED the visual of the tights over the head for long hair!! But me and all my girls love dolling ourselves up every now and then so don't judge us harshly if we want a clean look. We're slobs all week!! Imperfection does begin with letting your kids dress themselves. My daughter Ashton use to pick out the fluffiest dress then completely overaccessorize with sunglasses (in January), gobs of necklaces, headband and bow and sparkly shoes. This was all complete with a purse which housed her sacred polka dot bikini just in case (again, still in January). Now she’s a tomboy. I LOVED the visual of the tights over the head for long hair!! But me and all my girls love dolling ourselves up every now and then so don’t judge us harshly if we want a clean look. We’re slobs all week!!

]]> By: Maureen http://www.momstimeouts.com/2007/02/13/to-be-perfect-or-quirky-that-is-the-question#comment-111 Maureen Fri, 23 Mar 2007 14:05:17 +0000 http://www.momstimeouts.com/2007/02/13/to-be-perfect-or-quirky-that-is-the-question#comment-111 For the past two years, our Christmas card photo has featured our four kids lined up in the backyard wearing whatever they wanted and smiling happily. One year, our eldest son, who is now 17, wore athletic shorts, high Timberland boots, and a sweatshirt; he was standing in the snow and looked great! WHO cares? Parents who fret over appearances have their priorities mixed up. No one cares, and those who do don't share my values. For the past two years, our Christmas card photo has featured our four kids lined up in the backyard wearing whatever they wanted and smiling happily. One year, our eldest son, who is now 17, wore athletic shorts, high Timberland boots, and a sweatshirt; he was standing in the snow and looked great! WHO cares? Parents who fret over appearances have their priorities mixed up. No one cares, and those who do don’t share my values.

]]> By: Melissa http://www.momstimeouts.com/2007/02/13/to-be-perfect-or-quirky-that-is-the-question#comment-109 Melissa Sun, 18 Mar 2007 18:33:20 +0000 http://www.momstimeouts.com/2007/02/13/to-be-perfect-or-quirky-that-is-the-question#comment-109 I absolutely don't want to be perfect, but I feel that the bar has been raised so high that it's so hard to keep up even if you know you're not trying to achieve perfection. I love reading that it's a relief for all the rest of you! I absolutely don’t want to be perfect, but I feel that the bar has been raised so high that it’s so hard to keep up even if you know you’re not trying to achieve perfection. I love reading that it’s a relief for all the rest of you!

]]> By: SusanM http://www.momstimeouts.com/2007/02/13/to-be-perfect-or-quirky-that-is-the-question#comment-102 SusanM Thu, 08 Mar 2007 14:09:07 +0000 http://www.momstimeouts.com/2007/02/13/to-be-perfect-or-quirky-that-is-the-question#comment-102 Sometimes I wonder if we're just forgetting to switch gears a little as our children grow. When they're newborns, we decide everything (within reason)... what they wear, what they eat, who they get to have playdates with... We feel it's our job to do this as well as we can, and we go into auto-pilot controlling everything. As they grow, and start having their own opinions, we can/should switch gears a little and let them make some "safe" decisions. It may not be right socially to wear 5 dresses when you're an adult, but they aren't adults yet. And maybe you draw the line if they do it every day, but in moderation they are learning to make decision and live with the consequences (good or bad). I say, as long as it's safe and they're getting the bigger picture (you telling them not to try this in HS), let it go... and don't forget to take a picture. Sometimes I wonder if we’re just forgetting to switch gears a little as our children grow. When they’re newborns, we decide everything (within reason)… what they wear, what they eat, who they get to have playdates with… We feel it’s our job to do this as well as we can, and we go into auto-pilot controlling everything. As they grow, and start having their own opinions, we can/should switch gears a little and let them make some “safe” decisions. It may not be right socially to wear 5 dresses when you’re an adult, but they aren’t adults yet. And maybe you draw the line if they do it every day, but in moderation they are learning to make decision and live with the consequences (good or bad). I say, as long as it’s safe and they’re getting the bigger picture (you telling them not to try this in HS), let it go… and don’t forget to take a picture.

]]> By: Camila http://www.momstimeouts.com/2007/02/13/to-be-perfect-or-quirky-that-is-the-question#comment-101 Camila Sun, 18 Feb 2007 00:55:10 +0000 http://www.momstimeouts.com/2007/02/13/to-be-perfect-or-quirky-that-is-the-question#comment-101 from the concise oxford dictionary of english etymology quirk: 1) verbal trick or subtlety. 2) sudden turn or twist perfect: thoroughly versed or trained in a complete state or in a faultless state. Little Miss Sunshine - perfectly quirky or quirkily perfect? from the concise oxford dictionary of english etymology

quirk:
1) verbal trick or subtlety. 2) sudden turn or twist
perfect:
thoroughly versed or trained in a complete state or in a faultless state.

Little Miss Sunshine - perfectly quirky or quirkily perfect?

]]> By: pam http://www.momstimeouts.com/2007/02/13/to-be-perfect-or-quirky-that-is-the-question#comment-99 pam Wed, 14 Feb 2007 16:00:21 +0000 http://www.momstimeouts.com/2007/02/13/to-be-perfect-or-quirky-that-is-the-question#comment-99 The key here is "letting go." For me that is the most important thing to learn - when to pick the battles and when to say "whatever." When I give myself that luxury to say, on occasion, "fine, you wear those striped pants and that tie-dyed shirt together", I am happier and the kids are happier. I don't have to fight the battle and they get to express their independence. Does that complete lack of fashion sense (or that dreadful stain on the shirt) reflect badly on me as a mother? I don't think so or at least, I hope not. A smile and self-confidence shown on your kids (and your) faces are much more important than what is on the outside. The key here is “letting go.” For me that is the most important thing to learn - when to pick the battles and when to say “whatever.” When I give myself that luxury to say, on occasion, “fine, you wear those striped pants and that tie-dyed shirt together”, I am happier and the kids are happier. I don’t have to fight the battle and they get to express their independence. Does that complete lack of fashion sense (or that dreadful stain on the shirt) reflect badly on me as a mother? I don’t think so or at least, I hope not. A smile and self-confidence shown on your kids (and your) faces are much more important than what is on the outside.

]]> By: brooke http://www.momstimeouts.com/2007/02/13/to-be-perfect-or-quirky-that-is-the-question#comment-98 brooke Wed, 14 Feb 2007 04:02:54 +0000 http://www.momstimeouts.com/2007/02/13/to-be-perfect-or-quirky-that-is-the-question#comment-98 I agree, imperfection DOES breed a sense of freedom and definitely unleashes creativity. My kids feel so much more at ease when things can be left on the counter overnight (maybe not always me)and there is no fear of a massive clean-up between the hours of 10:00pm-7:00am. The counter will only begin it's next heap at 7:01 when they come down for breakfast! I agree, imperfection DOES breed a sense of freedom and definitely unleashes creativity. My kids feel so much more at ease when things can be left on the counter overnight (maybe not always me)and there is no fear of a massive clean-up between the hours of 10:00pm-7:00am. The counter will only begin it’s next heap at 7:01 when they come down for breakfast!

]]> By: Sue http://www.momstimeouts.com/2007/02/13/to-be-perfect-or-quirky-that-is-the-question#comment-96 Sue Wed, 14 Feb 2007 00:01:55 +0000 http://www.momstimeouts.com/2007/02/13/to-be-perfect-or-quirky-that-is-the-question#comment-96 Women who send a lot of time and effort on their children's appearance feel insecure about their parenting skills and need the world to think they are great parents so they can believe it too. Women who send a lot of time and effort on their children’s appearance feel insecure about their parenting skills and need the world to think they are great parents so they can believe it too.

]]> By: Jessica http://www.momstimeouts.com/2007/02/13/to-be-perfect-or-quirky-that-is-the-question#comment-94 Jessica Tue, 13 Feb 2007 22:29:02 +0000 http://www.momstimeouts.com/2007/02/13/to-be-perfect-or-quirky-that-is-the-question#comment-94 Who are we kidding here? It DOES matter what our kids look like, and what other people think of them. How you dress makes people treat you differently. If you have sloppy kids, people will think you are sloppy a parent. We don't try to dress them nicely to fulfill some sort of absurd need to be perfect, we dress them well - warmly, in clean clothes etc - because it's a direct refelction on how much we care for them The implication is if they're not cared for physically (as perceived from the outside), then they're probably not cared for emotionally either. It may be wrong, but THAT'S what motivates most moms who are anal about how their kids look. Who are we kidding here? It DOES matter what our kids look like, and what other people think of them. How you dress makes people treat you differently. If you have sloppy kids, people will think you are sloppy a parent. We don’t try to dress them nicely to fulfill some sort of absurd need to be perfect, we dress them well - warmly, in clean clothes etc - because it’s a direct refelction on how much we care for them The implication is if they’re not cared for physically (as perceived from the outside), then they’re probably not cared for emotionally either. It may be wrong, but THAT’S what motivates most moms who are anal about how their kids look.

]]> By: Susie http://www.momstimeouts.com/2007/02/13/to-be-perfect-or-quirky-that-is-the-question#comment-92 Susie Tue, 13 Feb 2007 21:09:41 +0000 http://www.momstimeouts.com/2007/02/13/to-be-perfect-or-quirky-that-is-the-question#comment-92 I don't know many perfect parents or many that think they are (thank God!). Being a perfectionist for most of my life, however, I wanted to be the perfect parent when I first started out being a Mom. I soon realized that tricks like TV and bribery, simple threats, breakfast for dinner, a few nights without bathing, and "ignoring" your children during times when I needed a moment to myself were way better than trying to be the perfect mother. I have now come to realize that the perfect mother is one who isn't perfect b/c to your point, she can be a heck of alot more spontaneous and authentic when she's not trying to be everything to everyone! I don’t know many perfect parents or many that think they are (thank God!). Being a perfectionist for most of my life, however, I wanted to be the perfect parent when I first started out being a Mom. I soon realized that tricks like TV and bribery, simple threats, breakfast for dinner, a few nights without bathing, and “ignoring” your children during times when I needed a moment to myself were way better than trying to be the perfect mother. I have now come to realize that the perfect mother is one who isn’t perfect b/c to your point, she can be a heck of alot more spontaneous and authentic when she’s not trying to be everything to everyone!

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