To be perfect or quirky, that is the question…
We either want to be perfect moms, or we deride perfect moms. But we only deride them because we secretly want to be perfect too.
Do we? Do we really want to be perfect?
Some people (like me) value quirkiness over perfection. Doesn’t real perfection lack passion, spontaneity, uniqueness?
Here’s two definitions of quirky:
1. A peculiarity of behavior; an idiosyncrasy: “Every man had his own quirks and twists”Harriet Beecher Stowe.
2. An unpredictable or unaccountable act or event; a vagary: quirk of fate.The word itself even sounds cool.
So when my kindergartner wore five summer dresses layered on top of one another in the middle of winter and her great aunt said she looked like a Hungarian bag lady, I was actually flattered. I thought, yeah, I’m learning! I’m learning to let go!
Tags: BUddha
February 13th, 2007 at 1:21 pm
Love that! I get such a kick out of kids walking around in various quirky outfits. You see them in their superman or ballerina outfits mid June without any inhibitions. My niece used to walk around with tights on her head every day for a year because she wanted to feel like she had long hair. Kids are just so free to feel and be. Now here’s the thing……How great would it be if we as adults could wear five dresses on top of one another….or walk around with tights on our head? I’ve always yearned for long hair.
February 13th, 2007 at 3:49 pm
We really do learn a lot from our kids, don’t we! We’ve got to let go of the unimportnat, superficial stuff and enjoy the crazy energy that they can bring to our lives!
February 13th, 2007 at 4:09 pm
I don’t know many perfect parents or many that think they are (thank God!). Being a perfectionist for most of my life, however, I wanted to be the perfect parent when I first started out being a Mom. I soon realized that tricks like TV and bribery, simple threats, breakfast for dinner, a few nights without bathing, and “ignoring” your children during times when I needed a moment to myself were way better than trying to be the perfect mother. I have now come to realize that the perfect mother is one who isn’t perfect b/c to your point, she can be a heck of alot more spontaneous and authentic when she’s not trying to be everything to everyone!
February 13th, 2007 at 5:29 pm
Who are we kidding here? It DOES matter what our kids look like, and what other people think of them. How you dress makes people treat you differently. If you have sloppy kids, people will think you are sloppy a parent. We don’t try to dress them nicely to fulfill some sort of absurd need to be perfect, we dress them well - warmly, in clean clothes etc - because it’s a direct refelction on how much we care for them The implication is if they’re not cared for physically (as perceived from the outside), then they’re probably not cared for emotionally either. It may be wrong, but THAT’S what motivates most moms who are anal about how their kids look.
February 13th, 2007 at 7:01 pm
Women who send a lot of time and effort on their children’s appearance feel insecure about their parenting skills and need the world to think they are great parents so they can believe it too.
February 13th, 2007 at 11:02 pm
I agree, imperfection DOES breed a sense of freedom and definitely unleashes creativity. My kids feel so much more at ease when things can be left on the counter overnight (maybe not always me)and there is no fear of a massive clean-up between the hours of 10:00pm-7:00am. The counter will only begin it’s next heap at 7:01 when they come down for breakfast!
February 14th, 2007 at 11:00 am
The key here is “letting go.” For me that is the most important thing to learn - when to pick the battles and when to say “whatever.” When I give myself that luxury to say, on occasion, “fine, you wear those striped pants and that tie-dyed shirt together”, I am happier and the kids are happier. I don’t have to fight the battle and they get to express their independence. Does that complete lack of fashion sense (or that dreadful stain on the shirt) reflect badly on me as a mother? I don’t think so or at least, I hope not. A smile and self-confidence shown on your kids (and your) faces are much more important than what is on the outside.
February 17th, 2007 at 7:55 pm
from the concise oxford dictionary of english etymology
quirk:
1) verbal trick or subtlety. 2) sudden turn or twist
perfect:
thoroughly versed or trained in a complete state or in a faultless state.
Little Miss Sunshine - perfectly quirky or quirkily perfect?
March 8th, 2007 at 9:09 am
Sometimes I wonder if we’re just forgetting to switch gears a little as our children grow. When they’re newborns, we decide everything (within reason)… what they wear, what they eat, who they get to have playdates with… We feel it’s our job to do this as well as we can, and we go into auto-pilot controlling everything. As they grow, and start having their own opinions, we can/should switch gears a little and let them make some “safe” decisions. It may not be right socially to wear 5 dresses when you’re an adult, but they aren’t adults yet. And maybe you draw the line if they do it every day, but in moderation they are learning to make decision and live with the consequences (good or bad). I say, as long as it’s safe and they’re getting the bigger picture (you telling them not to try this in HS), let it go… and don’t forget to take a picture.
March 18th, 2007 at 1:33 pm
I absolutely don’t want to be perfect, but I feel that the bar has been raised so high that it’s so hard to keep up even if you know you’re not trying to achieve perfection. I love reading that it’s a relief for all the rest of you!
March 23rd, 2007 at 9:05 am
For the past two years, our Christmas card photo has featured our four kids lined up in the backyard wearing whatever they wanted and smiling happily. One year, our eldest son, who is now 17, wore athletic shorts, high Timberland boots, and a sweatshirt; he was standing in the snow and looked great! WHO cares? Parents who fret over appearances have their priorities mixed up. No one cares, and those who do don’t share my values.
March 30th, 2007 at 8:07 pm
Imperfection does begin with letting your kids dress themselves. My daughter Ashton use to pick out the fluffiest dress then completely overaccessorize with sunglasses (in January), gobs of necklaces, headband and bow and sparkly shoes. This was all complete with a purse which housed her sacred polka dot bikini just in case (again, still in January). Now she’s a tomboy. I LOVED the visual of the tights over the head for long hair!! But me and all my girls love dolling ourselves up every now and then so don’t judge us harshly if we want a clean look. We’re slobs all week!!