Super Mom
One of my favorite cartoons shows a huge statue of a frumpy-looking woman, carrying a briefcase, in the middle of a park. On the marble slab underneath, it says:
DORIS K. ELSTON
Brain Surgeon * Professional
Model * Artist * Lawyer
plus
MOTHER OF FOUR
It sums up so neatly the quandary of the modern mother (with a nice sense of humor so we don’t take ourselves too seriously). We do so much, we try so hard, and we yearn for recognition — for that sense that the world sees and appreciates our efforts.
Every now and then I’ll spend some time cataloging all the hats I have worn that particular day. Cook, cleaner, therapist, cheerleader, driver, picker-upper-of-junk, teacher, writer, accountant, volunteer, appliance repairwoman, task-master, hoochy mama… it’s quite impressive. I think we should all make a point of recognizing that even if we don’t always succeed at achieving the “perfection” we may dream of, we do a whole helluva lot.
Robin Toner’s front page New York Times article today talks about how in the past female politicians have had to downplay their feminine, motherly sides and emphasize their power and toughness. Not any more. With women rising up the male-dominated ranks of politics — both here in the U.S and in Europe — there’s an acceptance that they are truly multi-faceted beings, and that this is an impressive trait. Yes, they can be loving, soft and kind. And yes, they can be decisive, ambitious and influential.
Mothers wear many hats, and they wear them well!
Tags: BUddha
January 29th, 2007 at 3:09 pm
You’re so right! We do so, so much and we are truly multi-faceted beings. Let’s be sure to take stock in that daily. As mothers we need to realize that running a household and raising kids along with it is huge! Throw in there a career, being a good friend, wife, daughter, sister, neighbor–I’m tired just thinking of it! Three cheers to all the mothers out there!!!
January 29th, 2007 at 3:39 pm
Don’t you love the way “mother” is always tacked on as a sort of after thought, as though it’s something not very worthy. It’s almost like we have to justify our “usefulness” to society, and being a mother is not high on the list of useful things.
January 29th, 2007 at 5:23 pm
It’s ironic when being a good mother must be the highest calling of any other on this earth! I think it’s because we spend so much time doing housework as well as parenting — in order to keep everyone and everything going — that motherhood tends to be undervalued. No one thinks its that hard to do laundry or pick up after kids. But try being there for your family emotionally, that’s real work.
January 29th, 2007 at 9:52 pm
Being a mom is so physically demanding, but it is the constant state of having to be “on” 24/7 that is the hardest. Just when you think there might be a break in sight…..here comes the hurting ear ache. Just when you settle for alittle down time….here comes the 3rd grade “book summary” that is due tomorrow! It is never ending and relentless. But, I wouldn’t have it any other way - the hardest part is trying to strike that balance of welcoming the surprises and not getting lost in the daily grind.
January 30th, 2007 at 9:30 am
Relentless is a good word. You’re just never finished. But you’re right that there are rewards to be found everywhere, you just have to be open to them. If you’re too busy or tired or negative, those rewards can slip right by unnoticed. If I take time to enjoy the kids, (the project, the discussion, the kid-centered activity)I often find a moment of real grace hidden in there among the drudge.
January 31st, 2007 at 4:23 pm
It’s the lack of recognition on the everyday level that can be hard for me. I feel like I am working myself to the bone at work and at home — I have a full time job and ten-year old twins — and yet work is the only place I consistently feel appreciated. But I’ve been working hard to learn to recognize my family’s gratitude that shows itself in unobtrusive ways — a smile here, a happy jump and a skip there, a pat on the belly after a nice meal. Sometimes people forget to say thank you for the everyday things moms do, but if you watch them closely, you can see your efforts are making a positive difference in their lives.
February 2nd, 2007 at 9:54 am
I just read something complaining about the “me” generation…how we all complain about having too much to do and how annoying it is. This kind of commentary increases our self consciousness and guilt, but doesn’t address the underlying problem. It’s like telling a depressed person to buck up and deal. Maybe we shouldn’t feel so overwhelmed and underappreciated (and sometimes, so ineffective), but we do! And what are we going to do about it? How can we solve the problem?
February 3rd, 2007 at 3:41 pm
Mom is the best hat I have. The career hat is great and yes I’m appreciated at work. I present my work at conferences and life is exciting. Yet it the warmth of my home and the smile on my unappreciative kids faces that brings true joy to my soul. I think that is what we really yearn for
true joy not fleeting moments of happiness.
Cleaning & cooking is repetetive. That’s what I find the hardest facing yet another load of wash daily. I constantly play and engage my kids. I’ll take them to a museum or play over cleaning the house. I enjoy being mult-faceted and have learnt not to be tough on myself. Now if I could only afford a facial & massage monthly!!
February 13th, 2007 at 4:24 pm
I love that comic. Sadly, I know a few women like that and stay as clear of them as possible. If we could all start out knowing that life is a series of interruptions when you have kids, many of which are worth every second if we take that second, maybe we wouldn’t even let the supermom thought enter our minds and devilishly try to threaten our sense of self worth. But then again, everyone has different wants and desires out of life — different things that make them tick, different philosophies of parenting. I think something all moms have to do more of is say, “this is what works for me” or “that is what seems to work for her” and realize there is no magic recipe for being a fulfilled mother. It is a process, no matter how you slice it, that hopefully we can all continue to enjoy every step of the way!