It’s a Big World Out There
Last week I went to a Martin Luther King Junior Assembly at my kids’ school. As always, I had to blink away tears, hoping no one could tell what a total sucker I am. A guest speaker talked about how, during the school desegregation riots in Boston, she sent her first and second graders off on a 45 minute cross-town journey to an integrated, experimental school in an African American neighborhood. She explained how naive she’d been, but that the times called for action. Everyone believed in something and was willing to stand up for it.
My generation (people between the ages of 30 - 50, say) has never had to fight for much. Even college students don’t get riled up by much these days. It seems to me we’ve all become a little cynical and complacent.
Mothers of today freak out about stuff that is not very important. Are we making time to fight bigger battles? Do I take responsibility for anything but my own little microcosm? As moms, we desperately want our kids to develop a sense of passion for the world, an understanding of the role they play as its future caretakers. But when we’re so busy worrying about the small stuff, who is going to teach our children to take care of the big stuff?
Katrin
Tags: BUddha
January 23rd, 2007 at 7:59 pm
It does seems bit like we’re the generation that’s had it easy, so we’re super focused on ourselves and our families rather than on others. And I think we’re overprotective — we’d never risk our kids having a difficult school experience just to make a broader political point. But can you blame us? I mean, our instinct is to protect our children, to make their lives easy. I guess, when you think about it, making their lives easy doesn’t always give them the best tools for the leadership challenges they’ll face as adults in the future.
January 23rd, 2007 at 9:22 pm
Yes, but we need to appreciate the baby steps. My 6 year old came home the other day and said “when is the celebration?” And, I looked at him with a blank stare and said, “celebration..?” And, he said, “You know mom, the one about Martin Luther King! When is the party?” No sooner did my 6 year old gather the family and announced the party. He turned on the stereo and we all started dancing — and it hit me - what he was trying to express was the “big picture” and very literally we needed to celebrate what this man had done!
January 24th, 2007 at 6:47 am
Our world is different now — our war is one about terrorism. Maybe deep down we do want to shelter them a bit, it’s more abstract and even hard for us as parents to understand. The world has changed. We lead by example, good for you for crying in the assembly–that’s what our job is to show how important these things really are. Plus a good cry about something in the bigger picture always feels so good.
January 24th, 2007 at 6:52 am
I get tired of the media telling us we’re apathetic. I do community service and I always try to involve my kids.
January 24th, 2007 at 7:12 am
We all do what we can! But I can see when you look at past generations that many lives were more geared toward helping others, and families were less wrapped up in their own issues. Maybe that’s only how we perceive it now that we have this crazy war raging on and people grouch and complain… but where are the rallies! Where are the huge protests like there were in the 60’s and 70’s? As far as the next generation is concerned, I’ve heard the younger generation is much MORE moved by environmental issues or wealth distribution than we are. There’s definitely hope!
January 24th, 2007 at 8:26 am
Everyone, even busy moms, could probably do more… I always have the intention of doing something worthwhile, something “big picture”, with my 7 and 10 year olds, but I just can’t squeeze it in. Then I worry about the message this sends to them. But at least I talk with them a lot about whats going on in the news, and about history. I want them to grow up understanding the world is complicated.
January 24th, 2007 at 2:40 pm
What do you mean about moms worrying about the “small” stuff? Most of the moms that I know are really worried about the BIG stuff–their KIDS and meeting their social, emotional, and academic needs. There is certainly enough on Moms plates to worry about–real issues, with real kids. My hope is to raise independent, strong children and they’ll be passionate about their ideas in the future.
January 24th, 2007 at 6:04 pm
Kids can be cynics or creators. The big stuff is getting them to gravitate toward the latter. Plenty of tedium or pap is out there ready to soak their brains. We need to call out the real possibility to save the world. Creators can’t help believe its possible. Mothers who cultivate hope make all the difference.
January 25th, 2007 at 9:50 am
Reading all your comments is so inspiring. For every opinion about mothering, another person has another opinion! And that’s the way it’s supposed to be; we are all different, we do and need and aspire to different things — it’s what makes the world interesting.
My observation about moms sweating the small stuff is based on what I see among mothers with younger children. A focus on things that seem important at the time, but that once the kids are older (and the issues become correspondingly more challenging), reveal themselves to be small potatoes.
How much time did I spend worrying about my children’s clothes when they were little? Too much! And the truth of it was I didn’t care about it so much for myself, but because of how I thought I would be perceived, as a mother, by other parents.
So when I listen to an assembly like last week’s, I wish I had known back then that my time could have been better spent reaching out to others than worrying about looks and appearances. Now that I have a teenager, I often feel as though I’m playing catch up in this area.
I wish I taught writing in a prison, as I always wanted to… I wish I had put these things as a priority even when the kids were babies, so that it would now be a given that their parents model this kind of behavior. It’s a mindset I would love to see them adopt as they mature — whereas I could live without my daughter’s panic attacks about the cut of her pants… or the spot on her t-shirt. I suppose that’s inevitable though, right?!
February 2nd, 2007 at 9:56 am
I do a lot of volunteering because its important to me. My kids learn something valuable and I feel good. The truth is, though, that I almost never do something for myself. I am run off my feet taking care of other people. Sometimes I wonder if this is what I was put on this earth for, and if my needs just don’t really matter.