Comments on: Savoring the Words http://www.momstimeouts.com/2007/01/10/savoring-the-words It's Good to Be a Little Selfish—It Actually Makes You a Better Mother Sat, 22 Nov 2008 09:40:57 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.3.3 By: Lydia http://www.momstimeouts.com/2007/01/10/savoring-the-words#comment-78 Lydia Tue, 30 Jan 2007 15:36:43 +0000 http://www.momstimeouts.com/2007/01/10/savoring-the-words#comment-78 I think the bottom line is that an overly child-centered life can be toxic to all involved. Especially the kids, who need to know that the world doesn't revolve around their needs. From civic involvement, to being the nurturer in a relationship, to becoming self-reliant adults, kids learn from their care-takers first that it's not all about them, nor should it be. Even newborns are competent little creatures! I think the bottom line is that an overly child-centered life can be toxic to all involved. Especially the kids, who need to know that the world doesn’t revolve around their needs. From civic involvement, to being the nurturer in a relationship, to becoming self-reliant adults, kids learn from their care-takers first that it’s not all about them, nor should it be. Even newborns are competent little creatures!

]]> By: Allison http://www.momstimeouts.com/2007/01/10/savoring-the-words#comment-71 Allison Mon, 29 Jan 2007 16:19:29 +0000 http://www.momstimeouts.com/2007/01/10/savoring-the-words#comment-71 I'm always counseling friends to pay themselves first before paying everyone else (i.e., get to the gym!!! Buy and wear those skinny jeans and tight t-shirts!!). Sounds "selfish" but the point is exactly as you've stated...or more precisely, as my mother-in-law articulated when I was a depressed, breast-pumping working mom, feeling guilty, exhausted, and inept at everything I attempted...."When Mom's unhappy, no one's happy." So true. Kids pick right up on that stuff. It's also true that when you love yourself, it's really easy to love everyone else! Get the message out! I’m always counseling friends to pay themselves first before paying everyone else (i.e., get to the gym!!! Buy and wear those skinny jeans and tight t-shirts!!). Sounds “selfish” but the point is exactly as you’ve stated…or more precisely, as my mother-in-law articulated when I was a depressed, breast-pumping working mom, feeling guilty, exhausted, and inept at everything I attempted….”When Mom’s unhappy, no one’s happy.” So true. Kids pick right up on that stuff. It’s also true that when you love yourself, it’s really easy to love everyone else!

Get the message out!

]]> By: Lydia http://www.momstimeouts.com/2007/01/10/savoring-the-words#comment-70 Lydia Thu, 25 Jan 2007 15:53:41 +0000 http://www.momstimeouts.com/2007/01/10/savoring-the-words#comment-70 Moms! Remember when one of the things that made you happy, that you made time for, was Dad? Oops! I mean....my lover, friend, riotous partner, travel companion, fellow dreamer? In my life, when I became a mother, and worked sixty plus hours per week, making time for that relationship was the first thing to go! We've made it through twenty-two years together now, but man oh man, do I wish I had been more selfish about my need to remain connected, in love with, involved with and completely available to this part of who I was before becoming a mother! Funny thing is, with divorce rates soaring, remaining the woman in the fullest sense of the word within that partnership serves the children best, too. Moms! Remember when one of the things that made you happy, that you made time for, was Dad? Oops! I mean….my lover, friend, riotous partner, travel companion, fellow dreamer? In my life, when I became a mother, and worked sixty plus hours per week, making time for that relationship was the first thing to go! We’ve made it through twenty-two years together now, but man oh man, do I wish I had been more selfish about my need to remain connected, in love with, involved with and completely available to this part of who I was before becoming a mother! Funny thing is, with divorce rates soaring, remaining the woman in the fullest sense of the word within that partnership serves the children best, too.

]]> By: Nicky http://www.momstimeouts.com/2007/01/10/savoring-the-words#comment-37 Nicky Wed, 17 Jan 2007 15:47:28 +0000 http://www.momstimeouts.com/2007/01/10/savoring-the-words#comment-37 I tend to take time at night, after the kids are asleep to do something that I enjoy. Many times I leave the dishes and say "the hell with it" I'm taking time for me. This time can range from actually heading out of the house to hit a bookstore, or watching TV, or reading a good book, catching up with an old friend. When I give myself this time I go sleep peacefully feeling like I've had some time for me. I tend to take time at night, after the kids are asleep to do something that I enjoy. Many times I leave the dishes and say “the hell with it” I’m taking time for me. This time can range from actually heading out of the house to hit a bookstore, or watching TV, or reading a good book, catching up with an old friend. When I give myself this time I go sleep peacefully feeling like I’ve had some time for me.

]]> By: Noelle http://www.momstimeouts.com/2007/01/10/savoring-the-words#comment-36 Noelle Wed, 17 Jan 2007 11:11:36 +0000 http://www.momstimeouts.com/2007/01/10/savoring-the-words#comment-36 I haven't read a book in six years, not even when I go on vacation. The idea of lingering over pleasurable shopping makes me want to cry -- it seems such an impossibility. I haven’t read a book in six years, not even when I go on vacation. The idea of lingering over pleasurable shopping makes me want to cry — it seems such an impossibility.

]]> By: Carolyn http://www.momstimeouts.com/2007/01/10/savoring-the-words#comment-31 Carolyn Wed, 17 Jan 2007 01:05:09 +0000 http://www.momstimeouts.com/2007/01/10/savoring-the-words#comment-31 Katrin, I love when you referred to,"living in the now". Zen...only in the moment. I believe that's how everyone can appreciate life best...in the actual moment. I think everyone's always in process making progress. Katrin, I love when you referred to,”living in the now”. Zen…only in the moment. I believe that’s how everyone can appreciate life best…in the actual moment. I think everyone’s always in process making progress.

]]> By: brooke http://www.momstimeouts.com/2007/01/10/savoring-the-words#comment-26 brooke Tue, 16 Jan 2007 20:51:01 +0000 http://www.momstimeouts.com/2007/01/10/savoring-the-words#comment-26 I would love more time in the day to be by myself, just reading or doing something artistic. There is always a tiny bit of guilt that something else is not getting done. I miss being younger and not even being aware of this kind of guilt. I would love more time in the day to be by myself, just reading or doing something artistic. There is always a tiny bit of guilt that something else is not getting done. I miss being younger and not even being aware of this kind of guilt.

]]> By: Katrin http://www.momstimeouts.com/2007/01/10/savoring-the-words#comment-24 Katrin Tue, 16 Jan 2007 14:07:46 +0000 http://www.momstimeouts.com/2007/01/10/savoring-the-words#comment-24 Your comments -- as varied as they are -- all hit the nail smack on the head. It's actually pretty simple, in my eyes: as moms, we're busy, we're trying hard, and we're often left with the feeling that our lives are totally out of our own control. Our bosses, children, partners, houses, schools call the shots. How many times a day do we do something we want to, the way we want to? After a few years of running around feeling harrassed and unsuccessful, I started to say no to people. At first I felt pretty guilty about it. But it just took some getting used to -- now I say no and feel great about it! I want to set my own priorities. I want to decide for myself the way I want to mother. It's not easy, especially when you worry that other mothers are overtaking you somehow (doing more and doing it better), but I think it's good to let go of that competitiveness and just be comfortable with your own way. Your comments — as varied as they are — all hit the nail smack on the head. It’s actually pretty simple, in my eyes: as moms, we’re busy, we’re trying hard, and we’re often left with the feeling that our lives are totally out of our own control. Our bosses, children, partners, houses, schools call the shots. How many times a day do we do something we want to, the way we want to?

After a few years of running around feeling harrassed and unsuccessful, I started to say no to people. At first I felt pretty guilty about it. But it just took some getting used to — now I say no and feel great about it! I want to set my own priorities. I want to decide for myself the way I want to mother. It’s not easy, especially when you worry that other mothers are overtaking you somehow (doing more and doing it better), but I think it’s good to let go of that competitiveness and just be comfortable with your own way.

]]> By: Kathleen http://www.momstimeouts.com/2007/01/10/savoring-the-words#comment-23 Kathleen Tue, 16 Jan 2007 14:04:47 +0000 http://www.momstimeouts.com/2007/01/10/savoring-the-words#comment-23 I love the voices in this website. I think it's helpful to remember things like breathing and sovoring. They'll be asking for the car keys before we know it. I love the voices in this website. I think it’s helpful to remember things like breathing and sovoring. They’ll be asking for the car keys before we know it.

]]> By: Michelle http://www.momstimeouts.com/2007/01/10/savoring-the-words#comment-22 Michelle Tue, 16 Jan 2007 11:29:07 +0000 http://www.momstimeouts.com/2007/01/10/savoring-the-words#comment-22 I read that article about the bookstore! I thought the same thing, that times have changed so much and we're always in such a rush. And while I think this is just the way the world is, I do look at other countries and wonder how they have managed to hold on to a slower pace, where things like words, siestas, walks, dinners can be "savored." I also know that in our roles as mothers, this constant feeling of rushing, or being late or having to do more, robs us of the delight we could feel in just living. Instead, we are always behind, and we always feel like we are behind, with that sense of having done something poorly. I read that article about the bookstore! I thought the same thing, that times have changed so much and we’re always in such a rush. And while I think this is just the way the world is, I do look at other countries and wonder how they have managed to hold on to a slower pace, where things like words, siestas, walks, dinners can be “savored.” I also know that in our roles as mothers, this constant feeling of rushing, or being late or having to do more, robs us of the delight we could feel in just living. Instead, we are always behind, and we always feel like we are behind, with that sense of having done something poorly.

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