Comments on: Night Owl

By: Fran

Fran — Mon, 22 Jan 2007 10:55:41 +0000

I’ve just got skype going on my computer and I’m writing my first blog ever. Don’t get too excited: just trying to keep up with the kids! It’s great that we all can share our frustration but I agree with Juliet, we all choose our standards ourselves. Having said that, once you’ve made the fatal mistake of getting your family used to having their bd made and their shirts ironed it will be a struggle for everyone to move on to something different. Perhaps we should not forget that from the age of about 8/9 kids should be able to make their beds, tidy up their rooms, empty the dishwasher and stuff like that. I’ve started that with mine a couple of years ago (they are now 10, 9 and 7) and suddenly they are more appreciative of what I do. They often even thank me for cooking their dinner! I was famous when I worked full time for being able to share out responsibilities so I did not have to do everything myself. Someone reminded me of that a couple of years ago and suddenly I saw the light: kids can help too. I certainly did it for my mother! And it’s not the stuff they do themselves thatreally helps that much, is simply the fact that they are suddenly aware that what we do is boring, unfulfilling, time consuming but above all, necessary.

By: juliet

juliet — Fri, 19 Jan 2007 16:54:53 +0000

This is for Emma: I was just like you, everything in my house had to be “just so” and I felt so resentful that no one was thanking me. I was mad all the time. I had to change things and let things go or I think my marriage would have suffered. I was already yelling at the kids too much because I felt they were ungrateful.

But it sounds like you are basically happy being the way you are…? I know you want someone to pat you on the back, but if having a tidy home makes you happy, more power to you. If you start to really resent your lack of time — for your book group for example — you’d change what needs to be changed. No one is making you keep the house perfect, those are your own standards, so if/when you need more time you’d probably be ok with lowering those standards.

By: Lynn

Lynn — Wed, 17 Jan 2007 21:19:01 +0000

This is my first Blog ever. I don’t know if I am even doing this right, but…I can totally relate to all of you and I only have 1 child! I am so impressed that any of you even find the time to Blog! I work full time and am getting my masters degree from the University of New Hampshire at night. Between my job, homework (mine and my 7 year old daughter’s) shuttling to indoor soccer and basketball, I am always amazed at how much I accomplish in a day and how little I accomplish. Every now and then I do something just for me and that puts everything in perspective! I wish we could all slow down and enjoy what we have. Thanks for listening. I actually feel better. So this is why you find time to Blog…!!!

By: Emma

Emma — Wed, 17 Jan 2007 17:08:20 +0000

What if you are the kind of person who just can’t let go of some of those mundane,silly tasks that amount to household management (a nice way to put it). I am dying to walk out of the house without making the beds, doing the breakfast dishes and throwing in a load of laundry. These aren’t really good examples, but I find that I waste so much of my time puttering around the house because I have this part of me that just can’t stand clutter, dirt etc. And yet then I am mad that I don’t have time to join a book group. Yet, I just wonder how it would get done if I didn’t do all those things that I did all morning. It is such a vicious circle. I also wonder if anyone in my family has a clue who it is that changes the light bulbs, changes the toilet paper rolls when they are empty, makes sure there is always fresh milk or toothpaste, sweeps the garage etc. My husband will sometimes ask me what I did today and I am embarassed because I can’t really explain to him all the little tiny but time draining things I did that makes his and the kids’ lives run so smoothly. Does anyone get that it takes time to do all of these things or do they just think a little fairy comes along and sweeps up the mess?
So maybe what I would like to add to this discussion is that in addition to finding time for ourselves, it would be nice to be validated for the silly but meaningful tasks that we have to do each day. So when your husband asks,”What did you do today”, you could say “I did 100 things that made yours and the kids lives better.” Wow, when you put it that way, I don’t mind picking the bathroom towels off the floor and making sure the birthday invitations go out.
Just kidding…..

By: ann

ann — Wed, 17 Jan 2007 01:22:23 +0000

I also find that getting up early before the house rises gives me time to excercise and organize. That gives me the balance I need to start the day with my family. I struggle however with the evenings at some point I just run out of energy to mother. Dinner ,homework,bedtime becomes unbalanced and sometimes unglued. I would enjoy some advise on creating balance in my evening .

By: Carolyn

Carolyn — Wed, 17 Jan 2007 01:20:01 +0000

Juliet, I like what you said about “letting it go”. I do believe, as long as everyone is healthy, in pretty good shape, everything else will fall into place, wherever that may be.

By: Darla

Darla — Wed, 17 Jan 2007 01:16:56 +0000

Have you ever noticed that there are lots of ways to connect with other moms when the kids are babies, but as soon as they grow up you’re in a kind of wasteland suddenly, where people only seem comfortable bragging about their kids, not sharing problems? I swear I can’t even get my kids out of bed in the mornings, and barely a day goes by when I haven’t already started shouting by 8 in the morning!

By: Susie

Susie — Tue, 16 Jan 2007 22:58:27 +0000

Mornings can be hectic, evenings can be hectic! Moments to myself and connecting with moms seems to be the key to a more balanced and calm life with my family. I have very much enjoyed hearing others perspectives and stories. Looking forward to keeping this support going!

By: Hilary

Hilary — Mon, 15 Jan 2007 18:50:28 +0000

When I was in school, I would rather stay up till 4am working on something than get up early. Now I get up at 6 so I can do an hour of writing before my kids wake up. I can’t believe how much you grow once you become a mom. Things you never thought you would be able to handle, suddenly you can! I think it is very empowering.

By: Juliet

Juliet — Fri, 12 Jan 2007 15:41:47 +0000

My feeling is it won’t kill them to be two months late on their “well” appointments. Now, if they had crumbling teeth and you kept forgetting to take them to the dentist that would be another thing. As mothers, we’re responsible for keeping them safe, healthy and happy, so we should work hard at making sure we achieve that. But some things are optional, and with many things its ok if they happen late. I get tired of how hard we are on ourselves.