Night Owl
I am not a morning person. I hate early mornings. I wish I didn’t, but I do.
It is amazing what parenthood does to you. This morning, all before 7am, I tried on an outfit for a fancy business dinner, took a shower (yes, in that order), printed ten notecards with my son’s drawings on them to give as a LATE thank you to two teachers, wrote three e-mails, picked up dirty laundry from the hallway and my office (don’t ask), looked up ping pong tables on line, left a message for my husband (long gone already) and unloaded and loaded the dishwasher. THEN I GOT MY KIDS TO SCHOOL ON TIME AT 7:30 for early band practice. What I did not do: drink coffee, put on makeup, look at the paper or eat breakfast.
To many, I’m sure this sounds pretty run-of-the-mill. But as I was driving home in my husband’s clattering 140,000 m Land Cruiser — car problems — at 8:55 after having attended a community outreach meeting at school, I took a second to breathe.
I thought… wow. I patted myself on the back. In the old days, I could not even utter a coherent sentence before about 10 am.
Then I sat down in my office and got to work.
Tags: BUddha
January 10th, 2007 at 7:29 pm
Mornings are really hard as a mother. I have found if I get up even a little bit before the kids it gives me time to regroup my thoughts before the day starts. Of course, it doesn’t always work that way, as some mornings I really need the sleep. But if I even get :15 minutes to sip my coffee and start to organize my day, I feel better.
I also think you’re talking about the pace of our society. Sometimes in the midst of it all, whether it be during the choas of the morning or at night I consciously try to move a little slower. Completing the tasks but at a little slower pace. It’s amazing when we are conscious of setting a slower pace how good it can feel. It doesn’t always mean that you get a shower, but then you have to tell yourself to “let it go”.
January 11th, 2007 at 1:57 pm
That’s the key! Letting it go! The more we can let go, the better off we are, because there’s no way on earth we can do everything we’re supposed to do.
January 11th, 2007 at 2:50 pm
But, what are we supposed to do if we let too much go? It is hard to find the balance. Just when I think I’ve struck the balance - I realize that I have let something major slip. Just the other day I was thinking about my children’s birthday’s and I thought to myself, I never made “well” appointments for them……It never crossed my mind until two months after their birhtdays. It was an honest mistake, but the pace of our society increasingly makes it hard to stay on top of what we need to and at the same time, try and let go of the less important things……
January 12th, 2007 at 10:41 am
My feeling is it won’t kill them to be two months late on their “well” appointments. Now, if they had crumbling teeth and you kept forgetting to take them to the dentist that would be another thing. As mothers, we’re responsible for keeping them safe, healthy and happy, so we should work hard at making sure we achieve that. But some things are optional, and with many things its ok if they happen late. I get tired of how hard we are on ourselves.
January 15th, 2007 at 1:50 pm
When I was in school, I would rather stay up till 4am working on something than get up early. Now I get up at 6 so I can do an hour of writing before my kids wake up. I can’t believe how much you grow once you become a mom. Things you never thought you would be able to handle, suddenly you can! I think it is very empowering.
January 16th, 2007 at 5:58 pm
Mornings can be hectic, evenings can be hectic! Moments to myself and connecting with moms seems to be the key to a more balanced and calm life with my family. I have very much enjoyed hearing others perspectives and stories. Looking forward to keeping this support going!
January 16th, 2007 at 8:16 pm
Have you ever noticed that there are lots of ways to connect with other moms when the kids are babies, but as soon as they grow up you’re in a kind of wasteland suddenly, where people only seem comfortable bragging about their kids, not sharing problems? I swear I can’t even get my kids out of bed in the mornings, and barely a day goes by when I haven’t already started shouting by 8 in the morning!
January 16th, 2007 at 8:20 pm
Juliet, I like what you said about “letting it go”. I do believe, as long as everyone is healthy, in pretty good shape, everything else will fall into place, wherever that may be.
January 16th, 2007 at 8:22 pm
I also find that getting up early before the house rises gives me time to excercise and organize. That gives me the balance I need to start the day with my family. I struggle however with the evenings at some point I just run out of energy to mother. Dinner ,homework,bedtime becomes unbalanced and sometimes unglued. I would enjoy some advise on creating balance in my evening .
January 17th, 2007 at 12:08 pm
What if you are the kind of person who just can’t let go of some of those mundane,silly tasks that amount to household management (a nice way to put it). I am dying to walk out of the house without making the beds, doing the breakfast dishes and throwing in a load of laundry. These aren’t really good examples, but I find that I waste so much of my time puttering around the house because I have this part of me that just can’t stand clutter, dirt etc. And yet then I am mad that I don’t have time to join a book group. Yet, I just wonder how it would get done if I didn’t do all those things that I did all morning. It is such a vicious circle. I also wonder if anyone in my family has a clue who it is that changes the light bulbs, changes the toilet paper rolls when they are empty, makes sure there is always fresh milk or toothpaste, sweeps the garage etc. My husband will sometimes ask me what I did today and I am embarassed because I can’t really explain to him all the little tiny but time draining things I did that makes his and the kids’ lives run so smoothly. Does anyone get that it takes time to do all of these things or do they just think a little fairy comes along and sweeps up the mess?
So maybe what I would like to add to this discussion is that in addition to finding time for ourselves, it would be nice to be validated for the silly but meaningful tasks that we have to do each day. So when your husband asks,”What did you do today”, you could say “I did 100 things that made yours and the kids lives better.” Wow, when you put it that way, I don’t mind picking the bathroom towels off the floor and making sure the birthday invitations go out.
Just kidding…..
January 17th, 2007 at 4:19 pm
This is my first Blog ever. I don’t know if I am even doing this right, but…I can totally relate to all of you and I only have 1 child! I am so impressed that any of you even find the time to Blog! I work full time and am getting my masters degree from the University of New Hampshire at night. Between my job, homework (mine and my 7 year old daughter’s) shuttling to indoor soccer and basketball, I am always amazed at how much I accomplish in a day and how little I accomplish. Every now and then I do something just for me and that puts everything in perspective! I wish we could all slow down and enjoy what we have. Thanks for listening. I actually feel better. So this is why you find time to Blog…!!!
January 19th, 2007 at 11:54 am
This is for Emma: I was just like you, everything in my house had to be “just so” and I felt so resentful that no one was thanking me. I was mad all the time. I had to change things and let things go or I think my marriage would have suffered. I was already yelling at the kids too much because I felt they were ungrateful.
But it sounds like you are basically happy being the way you are…? I know you want someone to pat you on the back, but if having a tidy home makes you happy, more power to you. If you start to really resent your lack of time — for your book group for example — you’d change what needs to be changed. No one is making you keep the house perfect, those are your own standards, so if/when you need more time you’d probably be ok with lowering those standards.
January 22nd, 2007 at 5:55 am
I’ve just got skype going on my computer and I’m writing my first blog ever. Don’t get too excited: just trying to keep up with the kids! It’s great that we all can share our frustration but I agree with Juliet, we all choose our standards ourselves. Having said that, once you’ve made the fatal mistake of getting your family used to having their bd made and their shirts ironed it will be a struggle for everyone to move on to something different. Perhaps we should not forget that from the age of about 8/9 kids should be able to make their beds, tidy up their rooms, empty the dishwasher and stuff like that. I’ve started that with mine a couple of years ago (they are now 10, 9 and 7) and suddenly they are more appreciative of what I do. They often even thank me for cooking their dinner! I was famous when I worked full time for being able to share out responsibilities so I did not have to do everything myself. Someone reminded me of that a couple of years ago and suddenly I saw the light: kids can help too. I certainly did it for my mother! And it’s not the stuff they do themselves thatreally helps that much, is simply the fact that they are suddenly aware that what we do is boring, unfulfilling, time consuming but above all, necessary.