Comments on: More time with our kids? http://www.momstimeouts.com/2007/01/08/more-time-with-our-kids It's Good to Be a Little Selfish—It Actually Makes You a Better Mother Sat, 22 Nov 2008 05:46:03 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.3.3 By: Allison http://www.momstimeouts.com/2007/01/08/more-time-with-our-kids#comment-72 Allison Mon, 29 Jan 2007 16:21:24 +0000 http://www.momstimeouts.com/2007/01/08/more-time-with-our-kids#comment-72 There is so much to say about this topic. How can you madly love and adore your baby yet hate your life? Especially when all of your dreams have come true? There is a way to the other side, however, where you love your family, job, and life everyday. It's every mom's own personal journey.... There is so much to say about this topic. How can you madly love and adore your baby yet hate your life? Especially when all of your dreams have come true? There is a way to the other side, however, where you love your family, job, and life everyday. It’s every mom’s own personal journey….

]]> By: jen http://www.momstimeouts.com/2007/01/08/more-time-with-our-kids#comment-45 jen Thu, 18 Jan 2007 01:31:20 +0000 http://www.momstimeouts.com/2007/01/08/more-time-with-our-kids#comment-45 ahhh. so timely, this newsletter! i've reached a point in my mothering that i know i cannot keep on at this pace. as a working, single mom, i constantly feel that i am not giving my children enough-even while i am spending every moment not at work with them....nice to hear the stat about mothers spending more time than ever with their children. as i retrospect, i realize that i spend more time with my children than my stay at home mom did with me! it is a great relief, as i actively seek out more time for myself to know that i am heading in the direction of becoming a MORE loving, balanced and present mom. thanks, ladies. ahhh. so timely, this newsletter! i’ve reached a point in my mothering that i know i cannot keep on at this pace. as a working, single mom, i constantly feel that i am not giving my children enough-even while i am spending every moment not at work with them….nice to hear the stat about mothers spending more time than ever with their children. as i retrospect, i realize that i spend more time with my children than my stay at home mom did with me! it is a great relief, as i actively seek out more time for myself to know that i am heading in the direction of becoming a MORE loving, balanced and present mom. thanks, ladies.

]]> By: Mary Kaye http://www.momstimeouts.com/2007/01/08/more-time-with-our-kids#comment-44 Mary Kaye Wed, 17 Jan 2007 23:14:47 +0000 http://www.momstimeouts.com/2007/01/08/more-time-with-our-kids#comment-44 Yes, I think our generation of moms were trained to be perfectionists. Our parents only wanted the best for us but we can learn from them. When I got home from school, my dad use to ask me "Did you get straight A's today? Were you the top scorer? Did they vote you as Homecoming Queen yet?" After working, overproving (made up word) myself and "trying" to manage career and family, my mom finally said, "why are you trying so hard to be perfect?" That simple line was my wake up call. Now when my kids get home from school, I ask them, "Did you make a new friend today? Did you help someone without expecting anything in return?" It's become the family joke (my dad says I should send them to live with him before I ruin them). He thinks he's very funny! Yes, I think our generation of moms were trained to be perfectionists. Our parents only wanted the best for us but we can learn from them. When I got home from school, my dad use to ask me “Did you get straight A’s today? Were you the top scorer? Did they vote you as Homecoming Queen yet?” After working, overproving (made up word) myself and “trying” to manage career and family, my mom finally said, “why are you trying so hard to be perfect?” That simple line was my wake up call. Now when my kids get home from school, I ask them, “Did you make a new friend today? Did you help someone without expecting anything in return?” It’s become the family joke (my dad says I should send them to live with him before I ruin them). He thinks he’s very funny!

]]> By: babs http://www.momstimeouts.com/2007/01/08/more-time-with-our-kids#comment-42 babs Wed, 17 Jan 2007 22:05:23 +0000 http://www.momstimeouts.com/2007/01/08/more-time-with-our-kids#comment-42 My expectations about the perfect life were recalibrated when illness struck our eldest son. I now find it easier to focus on what is important in life and not to sweat the little stuff. I applaud the efforts of these three authors. I would much rather have read a book to find useful tools and techniques on achieving balance as a mom rather than having the wake up call be an ill child. That being said, while you would think I enjoy each and every moment with my kids, I still have those days when I forget what is important. I would have to say those are farer and fewer between. The end game for me now is well adjusted and healthy kids. Along the way, I find time for myself and my husband. If we aren't strong as individuals or as a couple, it is hard to fight what life sends your way. I try to be realistic about the time I spend on "me things" and not go too overboard. If there is balance, I don't feel guilty. My expectations about the perfect life were recalibrated when illness struck our eldest son. I now find it easier to focus on what is important in life and not to sweat the little stuff.

I applaud the efforts of these three authors. I would much rather have read a book to find useful tools and techniques on achieving balance as a mom rather than having the wake up call be an ill child. That being said, while you would think I enjoy each and every moment with my kids, I still have those days when I forget what is important. I would have to say those are farer and fewer between.

The end game for me now is well adjusted and healthy kids. Along the way, I find time for myself and my husband. If we aren’t strong as individuals or as a couple, it is hard to fight what life sends your way. I try to be realistic about the time I spend on “me things” and not go too overboard. If there is balance, I don’t feel guilty.

]]> By: ann http://www.momstimeouts.com/2007/01/08/more-time-with-our-kids#comment-40 ann Wed, 17 Jan 2007 17:36:47 +0000 http://www.momstimeouts.com/2007/01/08/more-time-with-our-kids#comment-40 It is refreshing to her women speak so frankly. When I first started staying home with my kids I was under the belief that all of my time was for them. It did not make me a happy mother or a good partner, I felt very put apoun. Through the help of friends who were willing to be honest I found there were other ways to approach creating a positive home enviornment. I do wish the information in this book was available to me then. It would not have spent so much time feeling guilty. As I have nutured my own interests and started back to school the reaction from my husband and children has been very positive. My daughter is happliy telling everyone she knows I am going school. I share this because I think for me giving myself up was not good for anyone in my family not just me. It is refreshing to her women speak so frankly. When I first started staying home with my kids I was under the belief that all of my time was for them. It did not make me a happy mother or a good partner, I felt very put apoun. Through the help of friends who were willing to be honest I found there were other ways to approach creating a positive home enviornment. I do wish the information in this book was available to me then. It would not have spent so much time feeling guilty. As I have nutured my own interests and started back to school the reaction from my husband and children has been very positive. My daughter is happliy telling everyone she knows I am going school. I share this because I think for me giving myself up was not good for anyone in my family not just me.

]]> By: Leslie http://www.momstimeouts.com/2007/01/08/more-time-with-our-kids#comment-38 Leslie Wed, 17 Jan 2007 15:56:07 +0000 http://www.momstimeouts.com/2007/01/08/more-time-with-our-kids#comment-38 It is about balance, starting with our needs as women --which are many, but can't be ignored! If we can be self-aware and realize that if we take care of this balance -- The rest will fall into place. It is about balance, starting with our needs as women –which are many, but can’t be ignored! If we can be self-aware and realize that if we take care of this balance — The rest will fall into place.

]]> By: Carolyn http://www.momstimeouts.com/2007/01/08/more-time-with-our-kids#comment-35 Carolyn Wed, 17 Jan 2007 01:32:55 +0000 http://www.momstimeouts.com/2007/01/08/more-time-with-our-kids#comment-35 Laurie, you reminded me that I was a better mother than a wife. If I had to do it again, because I'm now divorced, my relationship with my husband would come first. I now believe that if a relationship between a husband and wife are full of TRUE love, everything else will fall into place...particularly with the kids. Laurie, you reminded me that I was a better mother than a wife. If I had to do it again, because I’m now divorced, my relationship with my husband would come first. I now believe that if a relationship between a husband and wife are full of TRUE love, everything else will fall into place…particularly with the kids.

]]> By: Katrin http://www.momstimeouts.com/2007/01/08/more-time-with-our-kids#comment-30 Katrin Tue, 16 Jan 2007 23:25:57 +0000 http://www.momstimeouts.com/2007/01/08/more-time-with-our-kids#comment-30 I think what I'm hearing is that we spend time with the kids, but often at the expense of time for ourselves. And also, that if we set achievable goals for the time we DO spend on others, we are more likely to be satisfied and feel success. It's great to have high standards, but in parenting it can set us up for a mighty fall. I can only IMAGINE what life is like with twins -- I think this probably teaches you quicker than anything else that you have to give yourself a break! I love the idea of sharing the things you like doing with the kids, especially if it's not possible to do those things alone. That way you're teaching your kids to value what you also value. One of the chapters in our book talks about that -- "The Two Way Street of Mothering." They learn from us, but we also learn from them! I think what I’m hearing is that we spend time with the kids, but often at the expense of time for ourselves. And also, that if we set achievable goals for the time we DO spend on others, we are more likely to be satisfied and feel success.

It’s great to have high standards, but in parenting it can set us up for a mighty fall. I can only IMAGINE what life is like with twins — I think this probably teaches you quicker than anything else that you have to give yourself a break!

I love the idea of sharing the things you like doing with the kids, especially if it’s not possible to do those things alone. That way you’re teaching your kids to value what you also value. One of the chapters in our book talks about that — “The Two Way Street of Mothering.” They learn from us, but we also learn from them!

]]> By: Sue http://www.momstimeouts.com/2007/01/08/more-time-with-our-kids#comment-29 Sue Tue, 16 Jan 2007 23:00:16 +0000 http://www.momstimeouts.com/2007/01/08/more-time-with-our-kids#comment-29 <p>Thanks to the wisdom of friends and lots of help from books like When Moms Happy, I finally came upon the realization that is isn't quantity of time with your kids - it is quality of time with them. That was a very liberating realization for me. Now I can take the kids to Lookout Farm then to McDonalds...and go off guilt free to a Girls Getaway weekend!</p> Thanks to the wisdom of friends and lots of help from books like When Moms Happy, I finally came upon the realization that is isn’t quantity of time with your kids - it is quality of time with them. That was a very liberating realization for me. Now I can take the kids to Lookout Farm then to McDonalds…and go off guilt free to a Girls Getaway weekend!

]]> By: Laurie http://www.momstimeouts.com/2007/01/08/more-time-with-our-kids#comment-27 Laurie Tue, 16 Jan 2007 21:31:05 +0000 http://www.momstimeouts.com/2007/01/08/more-time-with-our-kids#comment-27 I am glad to see research is showing we are spending more time than previous generations with our family. I feel that whether you are at home with your children or working, you can have that special time with each child if you try to be "in the moment with them." If you are mindful of those little moments than quality time is available throughout the day not just at bedtime or at dinner. I try to schedule my time so that I can have that time to do flashcards, listen to a song, help help with homework. This is a team effort by the whole family though. I struggle with trying to always fit "my time in" however when my needs are met, I am a much better mother and wife. I always have believed that the tempo of the house beats to the mothers step. So a happy Mom is a happy house. It's learning to communicate those needs and letting others help.... we do not need to do it all! I am glad to see research is showing we are spending more time than previous generations with our family. I feel that whether you are at home with your children or working, you can have that special time with each child if you try to be “in the moment with them.” If you are mindful of those little moments than quality time is available throughout the day not just at bedtime or at dinner. I try to schedule my time so that I can have that time to do flashcards, listen to a song, help help with homework. This is a team effort by the whole family though. I struggle with trying to always fit “my time in” however when my needs are met, I am a much better mother and wife. I always have believed that the tempo of the house beats to the mothers step. So a happy Mom is a happy house. It’s learning to communicate those needs and letting others help…. we do not need to do it all!

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